Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Grist Columnist: Sew Political

I don’t know about you folks, but I have just had it with politics in this country. I am here to tell you today that I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican. Both of those parties are all about big government, high taxes, too many rules, and corruption.

Instead, I am forming my own party, one that is based on the ideals of liberty, individual achievement, private property, free enterprise, artistic expression, mechanical ingenuity, efficient use of fabric resources, and good old hard work: the Zippertarian Party. This new third party is for anyone who puts needle and thread to fabric for commercial purposes and we here at SouthStar are here to serve as all three branches of your government, not to mention chief lobbyist and pork barrel aggregator. Just think of us as your own personal community organizer.

You - the upholstery shop, the budding fashion designer, the parachute repairer, the department store sample department, the jeans factory, the costume creator, the embroiderer, the alteration shop, the niche product bring-an-idea-to-fruition person – you are our not-so-huddled masses and the salt of our earth.

We are glad to be part of your body politic. Call on us for your scissors and silicone spray, your pattern paper and notchers, and we will reward you with that greatest of life’s pleasures: a package at the door.

Thank you, my fellow needle traders. You will have something different as a Zippertarian party member: We don’t want your vote; instead, you will always have our vote. We just want your orders. And remember, in the rag trade, if we all hang together, not only will we not hang separately, but we’ll do it with proper fit and draping.
 
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